Sunday, March 1, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Floating Things in My Mind...
I am pissed at myself because look at my DAM GRADES! a bitch slap to my face... i did not live up to my potential....
The universe's indifference....
My future plans...
Track 4x4...
My family...
My friends... (no not the standard definition of a friend that I Oh so despise...)
What is wrong with me...
The adventures the next day has in store for me...
The adventure I am destined to miss...
My everyday heroes...
ETC... its always a mess in my head... maybe that's why I can't seem to sleep at times...
The universe's indifference....
My future plans...
Track 4x4...
My family...
My friends... (no not the standard definition of a friend that I Oh so despise...)
What is wrong with me...
The adventures the next day has in store for me...
The adventure I am destined to miss...
My everyday heroes...
ETC... its always a mess in my head... maybe that's why I can't seem to sleep at times...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Stop to Look Around
Lately I have been absorbed in my little details: school, future plans, and life. I was so absorbed in them that I failed to look around and appreciate stuff in my life.
One interesting thing involved a party. Drinking margaritas (3 baby!), I spied on an old Chinese man who was alone. I amused myself with the idea that I would end up like him one day: old, lonely, etc. Then, a white guy about his age sat down next to him. Judging by the way they were talking and the length of their conversation, you could tell right off the bat that they were old friends. First thing that hits me, "Whoa, that will be like Taylor and I one day." I was expecting a Hispanic/ Latino to jump in to fill in Marvin's spot but that person never showed up (=[ could this be a foreboding?). Just watching the two old friends talk stirred something up from he depths of my heart...
There's not much to tell you about my family, besides that I am still in the learning process.
Man FUCK Academics, to an extent that is (lol). Academics are quite important, but they are nothing compared to life. Academics alone should not constitute life, but supplement it just as how religion, friends, relationships, family, etc does so.
One interesting thing involved a party. Drinking margaritas (3 baby!), I spied on an old Chinese man who was alone. I amused myself with the idea that I would end up like him one day: old, lonely, etc. Then, a white guy about his age sat down next to him. Judging by the way they were talking and the length of their conversation, you could tell right off the bat that they were old friends. First thing that hits me, "Whoa, that will be like Taylor and I one day." I was expecting a Hispanic/ Latino to jump in to fill in Marvin's spot but that person never showed up (=[ could this be a foreboding?). Just watching the two old friends talk stirred something up from he depths of my heart...
There's not much to tell you about my family, besides that I am still in the learning process.
Man FUCK Academics, to an extent that is (lol). Academics are quite important, but they are nothing compared to life. Academics alone should not constitute life, but supplement it just as how religion, friends, relationships, family, etc does so.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Lets make life Simple...
writing in lieu of doing APUSH essay...
Life is complicated. Well it all depends on what your definition of complicated is, what you want in life, and the way you do things.
If your definition of complicated is anything that does not follow a straight line, you might as well give up on life, because life would be way too "complicated" for you to survive.
If you want to become something great. It can be complicated since you got to work your ass off, yet it can be simple in that you just change your goals or keep working your ass off. Only one way to become great: work your ass off, which makes it quite simple if you think about it.
w/e this stuff gets too broad and I am going to start making my life simple, first, by curtailing this entry.
Rule of thumb. Life is whatever you make it to be, complicated, simple, happy, sad, your choice...
Life is complicated. Well it all depends on what your definition of complicated is, what you want in life, and the way you do things.
If your definition of complicated is anything that does not follow a straight line, you might as well give up on life, because life would be way too "complicated" for you to survive.
If you want to become something great. It can be complicated since you got to work your ass off, yet it can be simple in that you just change your goals or keep working your ass off. Only one way to become great: work your ass off, which makes it quite simple if you think about it.
w/e this stuff gets too broad and I am going to start making my life simple, first, by curtailing this entry.
Rule of thumb. Life is whatever you make it to be, complicated, simple, happy, sad, your choice...
Monday, November 10, 2008
I want to be a Hero....
An ideal hero doesn't complain about his fate. All his actions are for the greater good. Sadly, I am not that ideal hero.
The selfless hero that everyone loves has a quiet mouth. He doesn't complain about the burden bestowed upon him. Epitomizing a man, he accepts everything evident and solves it, regardless the adversity. He knows that he will not necessarily succeed at every endeavor, but he is willing to take that risk for the greater good. Is it bravado? No. It is bravery. It is selflessness and valor that makes him a true hero.
I would like to be a hero. I would like get rich. I would like to be a better son. Then again, there are just too many things I would like. I for one, know that I am no hero. I can't stop bitching about everything that goes wrong. I can't accept the inevitable, let alone find a way to palliate it. Why can't I accept the indisputable truth? Do I fear the truth? No. I already know the undeniable truth. In essence, I fear that I will not get what I want. Therefore, I am selfish.
I struggle to be a hero, to do what is best for everyone, but I am too damn selfish to do what is right and for the better. Only with me is there a complicated story worth telling. I am the villain of this story.
The selfless hero that everyone loves has a quiet mouth. He doesn't complain about the burden bestowed upon him. Epitomizing a man, he accepts everything evident and solves it, regardless the adversity. He knows that he will not necessarily succeed at every endeavor, but he is willing to take that risk for the greater good. Is it bravado? No. It is bravery. It is selflessness and valor that makes him a true hero.
I would like to be a hero. I would like get rich. I would like to be a better son. Then again, there are just too many things I would like. I for one, know that I am no hero. I can't stop bitching about everything that goes wrong. I can't accept the inevitable, let alone find a way to palliate it. Why can't I accept the indisputable truth? Do I fear the truth? No. I already know the undeniable truth. In essence, I fear that I will not get what I want. Therefore, I am selfish.
I struggle to be a hero, to do what is best for everyone, but I am too damn selfish to do what is right and for the better. Only with me is there a complicated story worth telling. I am the villain of this story.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Decisions...
Decisions, decisions, decisions....
They constitute what determines our fate. Executing a decision is just like digging a hole to look for gold. If you dig a bit and give up early, no gold for you. Later on in life you will think to yourself in regret, "Shit I should have kept digging. I would have probably found gold." But if you keep digging--gold may just be another inch deeper--you will probably hit a gold vein. Later on in life you will think to yourself in contentment, "Yes... I tried and I reaped the fruits of effort." But what if, you never hit that gold vein? You just keep digging because you hope to reap the fruits of effort one day. What if that day never comes? You have dug so deep that you cannot get out, let alone dig yourself out. The only way out of the grave you have dug for yourself is to keep digging. Why? Well you keep digging because you now hope to hit an underground water channel that will flood your hole so you can float to the surface to freedom, but then again you know finding gold would still be a nice plus. If you get lucky, you will find gold before finding the water channel, floating to the surface a happy man. Later on in life you will think to yourself in total satisfaction, "Perseverance has its rewards." If you find the water channel before gold, your free, but you don't have what you want. Later on in life you will think to yourself in both acknowledgment and regret, "Though I failed, I now know that finding gold there was impossible from the start. At least I tried..."
They constitute what determines our fate. Executing a decision is just like digging a hole to look for gold. If you dig a bit and give up early, no gold for you. Later on in life you will think to yourself in regret, "Shit I should have kept digging. I would have probably found gold." But if you keep digging--gold may just be another inch deeper--you will probably hit a gold vein. Later on in life you will think to yourself in contentment, "Yes... I tried and I reaped the fruits of effort." But what if, you never hit that gold vein? You just keep digging because you hope to reap the fruits of effort one day. What if that day never comes? You have dug so deep that you cannot get out, let alone dig yourself out. The only way out of the grave you have dug for yourself is to keep digging. Why? Well you keep digging because you now hope to hit an underground water channel that will flood your hole so you can float to the surface to freedom, but then again you know finding gold would still be a nice plus. If you get lucky, you will find gold before finding the water channel, floating to the surface a happy man. Later on in life you will think to yourself in total satisfaction, "Perseverance has its rewards." If you find the water channel before gold, your free, but you don't have what you want. Later on in life you will think to yourself in both acknowledgment and regret, "Though I failed, I now know that finding gold there was impossible from the start. At least I tried..."
Sunday, October 19, 2008
What Do Dreams Mean?
I wake up, think to myself "Shit it's still dark," and check the clock, 4:08 am... Damn it all.
Don't you ever wonder what your dreams mean? I do... Certain cognitive researchers say that dreams represent what we are thinking about subconsciously, which can in a way point out malign and benign stuff that you notice subconsciously. In a way, my mother believes some dreams serve as prognostics. I believe both ideas are accurate in regards to dreams.
The difference between good and bad dreams? When I have good dreams, I don't wake up during a good dream because I want to see the ending of the good dream. I hope that these dreams do come true. When I have bad dreams, I wake up in the middle of it, sit there, think about what just happened, and hope it doesn't happen. I pray that these dreams don't come true. After a disheartening dream, it really sucks to sit there and think about it. Not only are you wasting precious shut-eye time, but also you feel worse by the second--till you doze off.
Apparently I was lucky enough to wake up 4:08 am, from a dream. I dreamed about a girl who I don't think I know in reality, yet for some odd reason, I care about this girl who I don't know. In the dream, I learned just how much it blows to ask a person you care about, what he/she thinks about you, only to receive a honest answer which basically means, "Everything you saw and felt was just my good intentions. I don't think I will ever see you as a friend, let alone something more." Then again, it was not really a stab at my heart because I always picture that stuff in reality would end like this. A blunt, bitter ending.
The dream, an omen or not, probably just registered what I notice in reality. I don't know what it really means. But I do know that the rivers of fate diverge regardless of my efforts to redirect my river. So what I can do now is sit tight and let the current carry me, letting fate do its work.
Don't you ever wonder what your dreams mean? I do... Certain cognitive researchers say that dreams represent what we are thinking about subconsciously, which can in a way point out malign and benign stuff that you notice subconsciously. In a way, my mother believes some dreams serve as prognostics. I believe both ideas are accurate in regards to dreams.
The difference between good and bad dreams? When I have good dreams, I don't wake up during a good dream because I want to see the ending of the good dream. I hope that these dreams do come true. When I have bad dreams, I wake up in the middle of it, sit there, think about what just happened, and hope it doesn't happen. I pray that these dreams don't come true. After a disheartening dream, it really sucks to sit there and think about it. Not only are you wasting precious shut-eye time, but also you feel worse by the second--till you doze off.
Apparently I was lucky enough to wake up 4:08 am, from a dream. I dreamed about a girl who I don't think I know in reality, yet for some odd reason, I care about this girl who I don't know. In the dream, I learned just how much it blows to ask a person you care about, what he/she thinks about you, only to receive a honest answer which basically means, "Everything you saw and felt was just my good intentions. I don't think I will ever see you as a friend, let alone something more." Then again, it was not really a stab at my heart because I always picture that stuff in reality would end like this. A blunt, bitter ending.
The dream, an omen or not, probably just registered what I notice in reality. I don't know what it really means. But I do know that the rivers of fate diverge regardless of my efforts to redirect my river. So what I can do now is sit tight and let the current carry me, letting fate do its work.
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